Fear is a GREAT Motivator

Audits are not fun. Neither is inventory. And it's even worse with both combined.

You get up insanely early. You go in, get handed a scanner, spend x number of hours just scanning everything. Beep... beep... beep... beep... You just go insane with boredom. Your arm gets tired carrying that damned thing.

Then the auditor gets her fun... she gets to rip you a new one for your paperwork. Every little detail is pulled apart. It's like being sodomized by a troupe of rabid giraffes (not that I would know about that first-hand or anything).

And if you are lucky, she lets you go home with your body still in tact.

And that's just the day of the audit/inventory.

Prior to it, it's the stress of making sure everything is perfect. Now, if you have done your job right, it's no big deal. You try to run your store by the audit standards day in and day out, but invariably, something doesn't go right. Someone on your staff cuts a corner, and you get absolutely raked for it. Prep your ass off, and it goes for naught with one lazy shortcut by a newbie.

After everything, it's the days of nerves waiting for your results. Will you still have a job? Why isn't my DM speaking to me right now? Why did LP answer the phone "Oh, it's YOU!"? Who's this new Manager-in Training? Are they taking my spot if I get axed?

And then there's the results.

And then you sleep again.




I bring this up since I helped another store in my area today with his audit, which is a LOT less stressful. You sympathize with the manager in question, knowing that your turn is coming (my audit is next week, so no making fun of my rival/peer today), but at the same time, part of you wants them to look bad so that you look that much better. Mean, yes. Self-preservation? YES!


Inventories can be a lot different. When I worked for a furniture company, it was putting stickers on everything in my location, which meant I had to know where everything was, right down to the smallest fake plant. Face it, it's kinda hard to misplace a sofa sectional, but a 4" plastic plant? That bitch could be anywhere...

Other companies I have worked for have hired in another company specializing in inventory scanning. In that case, it's just prep till you scream, then keep an eye on them during the actual process without chewing your fingers to your armpits.


Here's hoping my audit goes well...